I am going to let you in on a little secret. I deal with depression. There I said it. I know most people would wonder why as they see my life as blessed and with abundance. But they don’t see what is inside of me. I find my depression tends to come out with big life events such as people leaving my life, sad anniversaries, holidays or death; which I have had a lot of this past year. I can about guess some of you can relate to this.
Do I have a good life? Absolutely, and do I appreciate all of the gifts in my life, absolutely. But still deep underneath the happy exterior is this deep darkness. I have had people tell me to be grateful for what I have and not be sad or it is just the weather; unfortunately it is much more than that. This ugly demon rears its head when it feels like it and with a vengeance. This past weekend was the 36th anniversary of my sister’s death and with it being the holidays and my dad passing away a few months ago it was a rough week. You see depression is not a choice and it is not so easy to just get over it as some might think.
Here is what I do know about my depression. It first came about for me when I had some major life events happen a few years back. Thankfully I sought help and am able to manage it for the most part. Secondly, when people like us are going through this we are not looking for advice or platitudes. We are looking for you to be there and listen, sometimes just to hold our hand, sometimes just to give us a hug and let us know we are not alone. Believe me most of us are grateful for what we have or who we have in our life but sometimes the darkness still gets us.
I will tell you I thankfully am in a place to call out to my God when I am feeling like this and I pray; for His help, and also my guides and angels to step in. I will trust He will send to me whomever or whatever I need. I am thankfully blessed with family and close friends, I feel I can turn to when this is happening to me. I am finally not afraid to be vulnerable. Depression won’t define me and I won’t give into it. I will know there are others out there like me, it is nothing to be ashamed of and if you just reach out for help it will always be available.